You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
