Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
