I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
