I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
