You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
