do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
