he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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