this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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