Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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