Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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