and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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