By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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