highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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