Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am mentally ready for anal.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
