sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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