You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
