I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
