First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
