saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
