Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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