I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
