i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
