im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
