I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
