Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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