wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
