Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
