He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
