What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
