Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
