my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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