so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
