Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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