It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
