I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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