Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
