just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
