I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
