Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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