we're blogging at a bar
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
nutella sex= disaster
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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