everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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