I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
