im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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