I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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