You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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