Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
