fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
