you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
