eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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