I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
