the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
