once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
