Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
