I looked at my own cervix.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
