Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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