Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
