He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im drinking this country out of the recession.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
