There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
