he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
