Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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