Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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