yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
