I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
