boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
