I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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