Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He better not be in your backpack
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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