How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
