I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
