Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
