I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
