I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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