Three words: puerto rican gang bang
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
