You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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